This reminds me so much of the consequences of Tyrone Slothrop's existence in Gravity's Rainbow. He's constantly chased, manipulated, followed, bedeviled and forced to wander and hide in an anarchic zone of post-war madness. And because of this he develops a vivid and powerful sense of paranoia that surprisingly often serves him well in his adventures. It drives him bananas but because he's actually reacting to real actions in his world, the paranoia helps keep him alive. He sees and understands much of what is going on but that knowledge makes him feel crazy. However, he's one of the sanest characters in the book because his eyes are open to what's going around and he ends up avoiding most of the other's plans for him.

Aomame does remind me of Slothrop to some degree in that they both seem isolated and unable to really find another person whom they can fully trust to unpack their paranoia and find out just how far the down the rabbit hole of their own mind they've gone. And I think that's one thing that Aomame and Slothrop have helped me appreciate which is having other people who you can bounce your craziness off of and see what lights up in those other people. It's hard to find somebody with whom I'm able to open up my crazy box and really see what resonates, but when I do and they can relate or at least don't run away screaming, I feel less crazy and less alone in the world and definitely more stable and balanced.